


Have A Nice Day

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-19
Updated: 2006-12-19
Packaged: 2018-12-26 21:35:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12067410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian gets an in office memo. You really don't want to piss Brian off.





	Have A Nice Day

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

After coming back from lunch Brian spied the memo on his desk, and that's when the shit hit the fan. As he read the note he got red in the face and veins started to throb. Brian picked up the phone and dialed Justin's number.

"Hello?"

There was a moment of silence.

Brian exploded in a fit of rage. "God damn it to hell, mother fucker, whore master!"

"Uh Brian, are you ok or did you suddenly develop Tourette's?"

"Apparently while I was out to lunch/ having a fuck break there was a hostile take over."

"Uh terrorists?" Justin asked somewhat confused.

"Might as well be, Marty's daughter is taking over the business. I just got the fucking memo."

"You're just finding out about this now? Cynthia must be slipping."

"That's what I thought but it was a sneak attack."

There was a trace of amusement in Justin's voice. "So, what has Brian Kinney practically speaking in tongues?"

Brian growled low in his throat. "The memo or should I say list of demands."

Justin leaned back in his chair. "Lay it on me, big guy."

"She has veto power over the boards, so if she doesn't like them at any time she can tell me to go fuck myself, without lube."

"That sucks. She can't do that, can she?"

Brian fumed. "Apparently she has a God complex."

"Oy!"

"I have to use post-it notes sparingly because she's a cheap bastard."

"What the fuck?" Justin exclaimed.

"Exactly."

"Is she on crack?"

"I believe so. Jesus Christ wearing Prada boots."

"I thought that was the devil," Justin mused.

"Don't get me started on that."

"Calm down," Justin soothed. "You're going to pop a blood vessel, give yourself a heart attack or give birth."

"Listen to this. All personnel from now on must speak proper English. What the fuck was I speaking before, Buttfuckese?"

Justin cracked up on the other end of the phone. "Hey, isn't that like an insult to your foreign workers and clients?" 

"I don't think she gives a flying fuck. After she's driven all the clients away with her backslapping breeder, smoking pussy ways, she'll run the business into the ground and we'll all be fucked."

Brian read more of the memo and nearly crumpled it in his fist. "That mother fucking, cow tipping, vapid, whore!"

"What now?" Justin wasn't sure he really wanted to know.

"I can't call Bob and Brad names and call them on their shit. That's now considered abuse."

Justin gasped audibly. "No, you live for that shit."

"Well on the bright side they'll probably be fired. She's taken to raising the bar so to speak. I know where I'd love to shove that fucking bar."

"Brian you're a brilliant ad man. They'd be a fool to get rid of you."

"Tell that to the Nazi dictator in Marty's office. Apparently no one's safe. Remember the latest boards you did for Eyeconic?" 

"Yes," Justin said tentatively.

"Well they were just sent back. They weren't approved and apparently you're in violation."

"What the fucking hell?" Justin all but yelled. "Those boards were perfect. What the fuck is wrong with them?"

Brian cleared his throat and read from another paper. "It was too bold and therefore too jarring to read, unpleasing to the eye."

Justin sat there speechless and fuming.

"Justin, can you hang on for a second?"

"Uh sure," Justin was still quietly fuming.

Brian crumpled up the two memos, threw them down, unzipped and pissed liberally over it. "Hey, I'm back."

Justin smiled knowingly. "Let me guess, you crumpled it up and pissed on it."

"Am I that predictable?" 

"Yep, do you feel better now?"

"Not in the slightest."

"We can't let this bitch win. Here's an idea. Are you listening?"

"Yes, I'm listening."

"Find her car and fuck her husband while pouring sugar down her gas tank. That should do the trick."

"Sounds like a plan. Only, my luck, she's probably a bull dyke and I don't go near evil pussy."

"Well that is a conundrum."

Brian smiled a positively evil smile. "Justin how would you like to break in your new graphics program?"

Justin was intrigued. "I'm listening. What do you have in mind?"

"I'll e-mail you some pictures. I'm thinking something eye popping, graphic in a bestiality theme. Be creative, surprise me."

"Geeze, you really have a hate on for this bitch. I'll see what I can do. Oh, and remind me never to piss you off."

"Gotta go, Sunshine. Later."

"Later."

Minutes later Justin received the pictures of the new owner of Ryder Advertising. He could definitely work with the photo's, manipulating them into some pretty gruesome sights. Justin pondered what animal he should use. Farm animals were so overdone. Even though this was a revenge project he still wanted to show creativity. Finally he decided on a wildebeest. As Justin manipulated the photos he thought payback was a bitch. There was nothing wrong with the font on the boards he'd submitted. 

Justin knew how Brian operated; he knew Brian would want these photos circulated at the office. That would take more computer expertise than he had, especially not to get caught. Their tracks had to be covered. Not that people wouldn't be able to guess, but they wouldn't be able to prove it. Justin made a call to a well trusted friend to help with this little project.

XXXXXXX

The next day at the office, because the bushes have eyes and the walls have ears, another memo was sitting on Brian's desk. As Brian read it he blinked at the hostility of it, it was very unprofessional in his opinion.

_"If you don't like my memo I will fire your whiney ass. You think you're so great. You're not. I don't particularly care for your type of ads. Don't piss me off, mother fucker; you don't want to do that. I will fire your fucking ass immediately. Have a nice day, asshole."_     

Brian placed a call to Justin. Before Justin could say anything, he said, "Circulate the photos now."

"All right, hang on. I need to make a call."

"I trust you're smart enough to make sure the origins are untraceable?" 

"I may be blonde but I'm not stupid. I've got it covered."

Justin put Brian on hold then dialed his tech guy. 

"Chez, hey, it's Justin. Operation wildebeest is a go."

Justin switched back to Brian. "You should be receiving something shortly in your in box. I also took the liberty to post the pictures to the net in the nastiest places I could find. I gave out her contact info too. She'll be receiving some disturbing phone calls, I'm sure."

Brian smiled with pride. "I taught you well, Sunshine."

Brian clicked open his e-mail account to take a look at Justin's handy work.

"Jesus, fuck! That's disgusting. I'm amazed and disgusted at the same time."

"What can I say? I was inspired. Those boards were perfect."

"Gotta run, Sunshine. I'll see you later."

"Later, big guy."

Brian grabbed up his briefcase, complete with client lists. He made sure to grab a pen for a souvenir. Before he walked out the door he pocketed the abusive memo. He'd give it to his lawyer and sue the bitch. With smirk in place, he walked out of his office. As he made his way to the elevator gasps could be heard in his wake. Everyone was getting an eye full of their new boss in a whole new light. Cynthia was beside him in the elevator. As the doors slid shut Brian thought, no one fucks with Brian Kinney, ever.  

 


End file.
